It’s come to an end. I failed to heal my permanently broken heart. I accept this loss. I still remain. The heart procedure I had in December revealed significant progression of my condition – my hamburger heart. I have since returned to the Rockies as this may be the last season I can tolerate the altitude and the cold. Over the past 18 months, I’ve been on a quest to heal my permanently broken heart. I’ve searched high, in the mountains, low, in the valleys, trekked across deserts, through rainforests, traveled over oceans, and looked everywhere in between. I found a crack through to my broken heart to be broken anew all over again. I had to say goodbye to a lover and a friend. If I had kept either I would not have considered my quest a failure. But here I am.
I live in disbelief that there was so much left of me to be this destroyed. But I know that nothing lasts forever. And this pain I feel every day I wake, like the love and the light of my life has packed her things and walked out my door for good all over again, lets me know that I still remain. For every day I pulled myself out of bed by my hair to do what good I can before I fall unconscious again, I know that I still remain. For as long as I can remember I stand with one foot in my own grave and know I still remain. Although my quest has come to an ignoble end, I know, that I will find a way. I will find my way.
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